🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?